30 years on … Lessons on Life, love, and loss
Today marks 30 years since our mum transitioned to glory. For some days, I have been musing on a hymn she’d oft sing – In the hollow of his hands written by Saint A.I.
With my Saviour ever near to guide me,
I am safe, whatever may betide me;
From the storm and tempest, He will hide me
In the hollow of His hand!
In the hollow of His hand!
In the hollow of His hand!
I am safe, whatever may betide me,
In the hollow of His hand!
In His arms of love He doth enfold me;
Words of peace His voice Divine hath told me
I am safe, for God Himself doth hold me
In the hollow of His hand!
He will guard my soul, and leave me never;
From His love no power on earth shall sever;
And I know He’ll keep me now and ever
In the hollow of His hand!
According to Maslow, one of man’s greatest needs is that of safety and security. We move to certain neighbourhoods, put locks on our doors/gates, mount up CCTVs, wear protective clothing, purchase life insurance, develop strategic relationships, send our children to renowned institutions, put away savings, contribute to pensions, and make investments to ensure our future wellbeing. These strategies and systems are useful, but they cannot act as a substitute for or as a saviour.
There is another life after this one, and its quality depends on who you have, not what you have. May I introduce you to Jesus – the way truth, and the life whose name reflects his sole purpose of delivering and rescuing humanity from poverty, sickness, and death.
For what does it benefit a man to gain the whole world [with all its pleasures], and forfeit his soul? Mark 8:36
If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved. Romans 10: 9,10
Having covered the basics of safety and security, let’s move onto a few lessons I have learned since Mum’s transition:
- Life happens and nothing can ever prepare you for that moment. Don’t worry, you’re never saddled with more than you can handle. The corporate world will say you have the capability or capacity, but in Christendom, they will say you have the grace. Whichever way you look at it, you’ve got what it takes! You are able!
- There is no standard or rule for dealing with grief. Some may brave it over time, while others crumble at the slightest reminder. Similarly, some recover quickly while others take longer. Allow yourself the time to heal but do not become depressed. It is imperative that you find the strength and courage necessary to rise above the situation, and move ahead in faith.
- Whatever your faith or belief, you need a saviour and anchor to help you navigate those trying times. For me and mine, it is Jesus, Let the redeemed of the Lord say so!
- Humans are subject to erring and failing, unlike God. Do not misplace your trust. Learn to forgive and release those who offend you. Sometimes, God uses them as tools to thrust you forward such that what they meant for evil works for your good. As opportunity presents itself, ‘heap coals of fire’ on them by repaying evil with good.
- You owe everyone love, not a like, and it is not enough just to say it; your actions must reflect that. On the other hand, it is ok to maintain boundaries that promote your wellbeing and minimize unpleasant emotions.
- God will never leave you comfortless or alone; he will always send you destiny helpers along the way. They may not arrive in the package or size you expect. However, they are definitely God-sent. My Sisters and I have been privileged to come across such people whose names are too numerous to mention. We love and appreciate you all.
- The purpose of instructions, discipline, and values is to your benefit. By following them, you will achieve much more quickly and efficiently. The consequences of not adhering to them can be dire. Never let yourself stay down for too long, instead, learn to bounce back fast. Once you realize your mistakes, take action towards correcting them. There’s always mercy and grace to help when you need it.
- Develop the habit of thanksgiving, and all you need to do it is to remember and reflect. My siblings and I do this often. We are so grateful that against all odds we made it this far. We don’t have stones like Samuel to highlight our ‘Ebenezer’ but rest assured between Abakaliki and the different places we’ve traversed, there are marks, milestones, and memorials that attest to the faithfulness of God.
There are many more lessons and stories to share. That’ll probably be a book but until the time comes, thank you for reading this journal in honour of my mum – Late Mrs. Kelechi Winifred Ebuzor (Nee Ezeigbo).
Good people are remembered long after they are gone, but the wicked are soon forgotten. Proverbs 10:7